Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Searching for passion

"Hunny, why is it that every time I have mastered a skill, I become malas want to learn more?"

"Kau cepat puas hati bah that. When there is still more to learn, you already think it's enough," he replied.

"But, I know I want to learn more. Like the beadwork, I still have lots of things in mind to do but I am so lazy."

"Well, maybe that's because you haven't found your true passion."

*paused*

"Maybe, teaching is your only passion," he continued.

"Hmmmmmm..."

That's something to ponder.
I never thought teaching as a passion.
Firstly, it was never my answer to the 'What you want to be when you grow up' question before.
And secondly, I always thought I'm up for something other than teaching.
Come to think of it again, maybe it IS my passion - unconsciously perhaps. If there is anything like that though.

For almost 5 years into this profession, I don't think I ever dreaded waking up to go to work.
Of course, there were the occasional laziness on Monday mornings or any other mornings post-holiday.
I dread these mornings because I dislike the one and half hour travel that I have to do but once I am at work, the day will go just fine.

I remember working in a corporate company before teacher.
The moment I reached the office, I already felt like going home or going somewhere else but the office.
And when I was at work, I kept wondering why did I do this work.
I never have the feeling that things will get better at work.
It was all negative vibes.
And as much as I wanted to take things positively, I couldn't.
I felt like a stagnant river.

Today, I honestly admit that those feelings I have had before never bothered me again.

"Aah, of course you are happy being a teacher lah Chegu. You have the most holidays as compared to other makan gaji people."

Well yes of course. That's one of the factors and I will never deny that.
And it is the perk of being a teacher.
But, as I go through analyzing the reasons why I love this job.... I found out, being a teacher or an educator, it is never the same boring routine every day.

Yes, there's the class time table and the never ending rules and non-teaching works that we need to adhere to and do. But when it comes to the real core job - in classroom, educating the kids, having to deal with different children antics every day... that's the best part of this job.
They never failed to tickle my bones or touched my heart in very different ways.
The fact that I am able to do something about it or learn from it makes me eager about my work.
The kids and I, we are both teachers to each other.

There is no hypocrisy in them.
And it feels good to deal with white canvas mind.
It sort of take away your mind from the cruelty of real world for a while.
Seeing them learning something new in life is like seeing your own self going up and down the stairs of life.

Having been there, although just a brief moment and knowing that you could have been some what significant in their journey to wade into mad world is somehow an exhilarating feeling.
The confidence you put on them because you believe that every child has his/her own potentials.
And when you see those potentials budding, blooming and harvesting fruits, you know you are on the right track.

That sort of little things are the things that excite me as a teacher.
upsr-result-020-copy.JPG
My 2008 UPSR kiddos on the day they received their UPSR results.


I see myself stronger and firmer in this profession.
Twenty years down the road, I still picture myself dealing with kids in my line of work although maybe some 'evolutions' on the job title.

So, is teaching my passion?

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